Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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