Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
