but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
