I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
