She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
