people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
