there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We talked him into tasing himself.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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