I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
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I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
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Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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