he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
