Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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