Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
