i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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