nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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