DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
