this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
