Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Someone shattered a urinal.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
