I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
