I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
