So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
