rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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