Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
