she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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