Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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