she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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