It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
