perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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