My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
