Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
