I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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