that's an acceptable place to lick
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
