If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
