Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
