From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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