You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
