i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
pop tarts are not kleenex
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
