Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
