I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
