Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize