I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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