There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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