I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My vagina just clenched in fear
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
