I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
