i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
