I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
