I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
