if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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