I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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