So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My vagina is very pro this idea
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
