Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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