remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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