Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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