I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
