Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
