I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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