Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
