I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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