genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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