people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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