Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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