Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
