# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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