just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
