Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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