I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
