He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize