I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
