Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
