I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
