I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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