3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
