Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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