omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn off my feet"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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