I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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