Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
