when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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