Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
