....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
All the doctor said was why
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
