That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
