You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
