I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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