maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
