i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
