he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
