I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
