I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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