it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
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I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
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Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷ðŸ»â€â™€ï¸
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