you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
