i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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