Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
