i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
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Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
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Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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