A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
