He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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